"IF I AM HIM and YOU ARE HER"

"IF I AM HIM and YOU ARE HER"

by: Melba (Poff) (Blalock) (Hale) Shaver

~

I will have to leave in the rain and beg you to come this far.

You will follow me to the edge of tomorrow

with your fingers gripping where you are.

Damn it, man ~ time is not something we can borrow !

~

I will watch in my rear view mirror for you to open your door

and run to me in the deluge with a smile

~ or ~

sit there and watch me turn left and disappear into the last mile.

IF IT'S A BLACK HOLE

IF IT'S A BLACK HOLE

~

Perhaps I am just an ant, of sorts, to a higher food chain

and fate is 'whatever'

You may only be a shooting star

or

randomly 'forever'

~

Perhaps I do not have a choice in my destiny

and decisions are a programmed brain

You many be an integral part of me

like

a sweet refrain

~

Perhaps there is nothing after my last awareness

(if I even exist)

Thus ~ I throw my head back in what feels like laugahter

and love what feels like your kiss

~

by

Melba Poff Shaver

September 1, 2009

REMEMBER

Remember when life was great ?

The delicacies we ate ?

Goulash, cookie dough and cinnamon toast...

"nutritious stuff" to full little tummy's innermost.

When love was given with no expense

in innocence

and little hands picked little weeds for mama's vase

and

rmember when the "astro-nuts" sent frogs up in space ?

Then there was the time...and it covered the kitchen tabalae...

we made p-nut brittle and ate it 'til we weren't able !

What would we have done without our "weather girl" and her "windshield factor" ?

How many times did Jim's fingers get "slammed" in doors...what an actor.

Oh what a funny sight...the attack of the snake...

Karol was fast up the hill but Sherry's fear did overtake.

Bee's flew up daddy's pants!

War was declared between the black and brown anats !

Chickens roosted in the trees !

Wasps took over...under the eaves !

Blackberries grew...

Vegetables few...

Bullfrogs leaped down the hall

and "fall"...

when leaves colored our humble hill

and twirled and whirled and then lay still.

Sheila brought Santa to life for Jim...

he BELIEVED it was HIM !

One of our dogs ate the Easter eggs...

one of the dogs tried to eat my legs...

Lightning bugs bejeweled the night...

You kids bejeweled your fingers with their light.

With a steel garage door, we built a "heck-of-a-deck"

and a sandbox for Zack, in the back.

Eddie limbed a swing

and you know what, I trusted that thing !

Who could forget "Elvis"...

God rest his soul...

oh the stories that dog could've told !

Nobody knows what grew on Jim's bedroom floor

nor what went on behind Keri's bedroom door.

Jami primped, Keri danced, Jim joked

and if meals weren't calm,

daddy choked.

It's sad to recall when Jim stepped on the "pack-saddle"

and Jami mashed her fingers flat

and I quit smoking for six months

and got fat !

Jami fought with Misty.

Jim fought with Keith.

A burglar came one night

and gave Jim a terible fright.

Karol and Sherry's prom dances,

romances,

recording themselves in their "sing-along",

on the phone all day long.

The big ol' bed that Skip made...

where everybody laid.

And remember the toilet paper holder

that was the handle of a little black heater...

what could be neater ?

'cept when your dad "slid down Igou Gap on ice

and we laughed from the windows (now that wasn't nice) !

We gathered kindlin' and toted logs

and cleaned up trash strewn by the dogs

and remember the pool...

kept youkids cool !

But dad said, "Clean it, I mean it" !

"Get rid of the leaves and grime

and green slime" !

I'll never forget my black eye

that Sherry gave me when daddy chased us eith a jarfly...

nor when the dogwoods bloomed...

and sometimes, thunder boomed...

and indian corn hung by the kitchen door...

and

we thought we were poor !

Remember when Sheila had labor for two whole days

and began her motherhood ways

and I realized she was a woman that morning in September

when she came to take Karol and Sherry to school...oh how I remember !

I guess we didn't even realize it was a thrill

when shadows whispered upon our hill.

"A. J. Mom" drove the Maverick with holes in the floor

and the tardy bell rang just as the girls ran through the school door.

The rain came, the friveway went...

we filled the gullies with backs bent...

every month or two...

but the gullies grew

and in the end, we were beat...

we walked in the rain, sleet, snoe, cold and heat !

Remember when life was great

at the kitchen table in family debate

but nothing can top

~the flop~

our trip to Panama

when the car caught on fire, got stopped by the law,

Jami "caught" Jim's fish and both were in gloom

in the motel room...

soon joined by Keri...burned red

and when we finally got home...

the dog was dead...

and there for awhile,

daddy wasn't going to walk Karol down the aisle !

Some times that were bad,

sad,

broke my heart,

when daddy came home from the hospital, pulled up the hill in Lockman's cart...

couldn't even get up out of the bed...

could hardly raise his head...

and I saw him cry...

so afraid he was going to die.

Then the Christmas I was so sick and my shopping wasn't through...

...girls...

there would have been no Santa, if it hadn't been for you !

If it hadn't been for all of you,

my memories would be few !

Yes...I remember...so well,

more than I can ever tell !

LAYOVER

You knew the name that went with my face

in a photograph

taken since we met.

You put it on the refrigerator with a magnet

~to remind you...?

~that I'm here...?

You do love me on your highest level

which is my lowest.

We shared dishes long enough that we became comfortable

treating each other within our limits.

You wore me as a coat on the coldest days

but I was the one who was cold

~on the hottest days~

(and I smile because you won't have a clue).

That you couldn't help leaving me in your boredom

is why I need to get off.

When people need to become invisible

forever...or just to rest,

sharing the journey can feel like love.

~

God, it's no fun to take a trip alone !

"IF" ~ I GET OLD (smile)

I'll wear "midnight, sprinkled with stardust"

and fake eyelashes and diamonds on my toenails.

I'll spend money on Christmas lights and Barneys coffee

and lobster and buy presents for a secret lover...

and won't care if I become homeless.

I'll lay in a pile of leaves

and make things in the clouds

and catch snowflakes on my tongue

and do it all...

in the company of

my favorite person

(via trial and error elimination).

I'll dance in rain puddles and sing

(my own songs)

LOUD

and talk to Jack Frost and Santa Claus,

of course

and have a tea party with my Granny

(she would have so loved that).

I'll say all the things I never said

but wanted to

(good and bad)

and get revenge

and tell 'some' secrets !

Ahhh...how sweet that will be !

And I might even join a nudist colony !

I'll decorate my house for Christmas

and leave it that way all year

and travel anywhere my fancy leads me

and go to plays and rodeo's and symphony's

and drink lots of wine from a crystal glass

~with my name engraved on it~

~and~

cry just because I don't like my name.

And I'll use all those familiar 'bad words'

that for now, I try not to use.

~

But 'til then...

I'll just keep wearing a brown shirt !

WORTH IT

Hold me ~ sometime ~ in an afternoon,

that'll have to do,

that's really all we have for now.

Touch me ~ sometime ~ in the darkness

and laugh with me for jsut a little while,

somewhere away from the rest of life.

~

And if we get to go to a place of more,

it won't matter if we never get to go there again.

Once, will wrap it's arms around me.

Once will take me warm into winter.

Once, will make all the breaths I've breathed when I die

~worth it~

TOUCH MY NIGHT

Shades of purple, frost the flaming sun,

Wispy streaks of yellow, day is nearly done,

Tall, shadowy trees, whisper a breeze

and flutters through my hair with a tingly tease.

Mystic night-time sprinkles stars all around,

Silver moonbeams streak to the ground,

transforming the leaves to emerald lace

~and~

darkness takes me to a lonely place.

LOVE IS RELATIVE

Love...hmmm...

well, there's love for your parents, love for your kitten, love for your God,

love for your first boyfriend, love for your first sexual love

~and~

love for the person you marry.

~

Ahhh...

love for your child,

nothing can compare with that,

except love for your grandchild,

nothing can compare with that.

~

Ohhh...

love of a new dress or new car or new house,

love of fudge brownies with nuts,

love for holidays

and oh yes, love for getting older...(what a crock) !

~

Falling out of love?

Yep, relative...

...to the significance of it in life.

"I love you", may stay but "I'm in love with you" goes away.

And you get old and die.

~

but I'm not old or dead...

~what's that relative to~

JOURNEY TO WISDOM

I've been walking this road for so long

that the 'soul of my heart' is wearing out.

It was 'spring', I think, when I marked the map.

The pictures were so pretty.

I made reservations

with 'no refund'

then I had reservations.

On my way out, everything looked so different.

I turned down instead of up.

I turned wrong instead of right.

But, I think I can see me waiting for me

and an owl in a cedar tree

and a new pair of shoes.

I'D GIVE MY LOVE TO YOU

If I could give you anything on earth

I'd give you your worth

from the things I can see better with my head in the clouds, in my fantasy...

an eternity

of wealth and health

laughter, from mine to last forever

and love, from your children to end never.

~

If I could give you anything in the sky

I would cry

tears of gold into the pot at the end of your rainbow

and breathe your life re-instated

un-invaded

by the complications of loving me

and leaving me.

A MOMENT

~so little time left even if there is more than this moment~

~

While all those other moments melted into the soup pot of years

I marched to the tick of many clocks

was trampled in the hours

became a survivor of other people's time.

~

Old didn't even feel mandatory

I saw millions of moments in the future

~but~

the reflection of me in the mirror was growing dim

(it didn't look like it was DYING though).

~

Death was not even a word in my vocabulary

(except for goldfish or a plant that I didn't take care of)

until my heart stopped beating, until my lungs stopped breathing

until I would become ashes in a moment.

~

But for a momentary glimpse into the eyes of life

but for one faint heartbeat

but for one gasp of breath

I would have ceased to exist.

~

~live for a moment~

FINGERPRINTS

No matter how hard I scrubbed

I couldn't get the stains out.

And that was my favorite dress too.

I couldn't throw it away,

God knows, I tried.

~

Sometimes I put it on and close my eyes

and I can hear the music of our only dance.

As minutes turn into years

I can still smell your cologne

as if it were yesterday.

~

And though not visible to anyone else's naked eye

I see your fingerprints on the back of that dress

that I wore many years ago.

I can't wear it

to dance with anyone else.

FIREFLY

Come spend a few moments of life with me

Just one sunrise and one cup of coffee

One touch of our hands

One flash of our laughter

Moments that will flicker as quickly as a firefly

~

Come spend a few moments of life with me

Just a few sprinkles of rain

and a rainbow

One shooting star

Moments that will blink without a whisper

~

Come spend a few moments of life with me

When September paints the leaves

and they begin to fall

~one jack-o-lantern~

Moments that would die if captured

~

Come spend a few moments of life with me

Just one sunset and one cup of coffee

One kiss from our smiles

as quick as a firefly

Moments that dart randomly in and out of life

LAURA

A beautiful kewpie, a grubby cherub, of only two.

Velvety soft, this dimpled 'Little Lulu.

Her round black eyes sparkle an impish stare

and she has a head full of long, wispy, ringlet hair.

~

She's bubbly and dainty and awfully prissy

but I doubt she'll ever be called a 'sissy'.

She could charm the cart from the popsicle man

and then...do it again.

~

And should he try to take it back,

upon his head, a powerful 'whack'.

She's a lash-fluttering angel with animated grace -

'Laura' ~with 'buddy' on her face.

LAURA

A beautiful kewpie, a grubby cherub, of only two

velvety soft, this dimpled 'LIttle Lulu

TO LILLY

Some day my keepsakes will be discovered by a future kin...

the pages crisp and brown and thin.

She may have thoughts of the love of this woman and man of her past.

Her heart may smile dreamy, her heart may beat fast.

She may ponder, 'How beautiful it must have been

when she was young...way back then'.

But I hope she never has to find

the heartache I leave behind.

QUEEN OF YELLOWCASTLE

Her queendom was stolen by a thief

and she died a thousand deaths

but she haunts with gasping breaths

the Queen of Yellow Grief

~

Some say she wears a crown of withered dogwood blooms

and whispers with the shadows of the trees

and wanders with each chilly autumn breeze

~invisible~throughout the castle rooms

~

Some say she walks but leaves no footprints in the snow

and reigns her castle from a shadowed throne

~though dead as stone~

and whispers "woe"

~

Some say she cast a wicked spell

upon the thieving king

that his everysleep would be haunted to awakening

by her voice~and~follow him to hell

~

Some say her throaty laughter can be heard

with the creaking of the master bedroom floor

and that her spirit comes in through the kitchen door

~how absurd~?

ELMER'S GLUE

Memo's of trial and error

Reflections in a mirror

Extensions blending

~un-ending~

~Children, as hard and soft as their molds

take us with them toward their goals

through their happiness and fears

and tears

~

We influence their decisions at every crossroad

we burden or lighten their load

with our ignorance (which was and is not, bliss)

and our wisdom (which is a wonderful, wicked, abyss)

ELMER'S GLUE

Memo's of trial and error

Reflections in a mirror

Extensions blending

~un-ending

SOMETHING ABOUT A BARN AND A FLANNEL SHIRT

There's something about a barn...'specially an old, weathered, well built one

that makes you breathe deep, puts a stroll in the way you walk

makes you forget stressful things and technical talk

makes you want to lay on your back in the sun.

~

Oh, the millions of laughin', lovin', stories behind those big ol' boards...

stories 'bout rolls in the hay and itty, bitty, yellow chicks,

country hicks

and Model A Fords.

~

I'd live in a barn...yep...sure would...every night, every day

and play out in the field like a butterfly flittin'

and snuggle up with a little purrin' kitten

and go to sleep, in the loft, in the hay.

~

(and there's just something about a man in a flannel shirt

who pays his debts

behind a plow, with no regrets

and smells of hay and truth and black, rich dirt)

STORM'S COMIN'

Storm's comin'...

thunder rolling far away, static in the air.

Sideways across my face and neck

wind blowing through my hair.

~

Thunder rolling closer like bombs in a distant war.

Not a song or flutter from a bird or butterfly.

Jagged daggars of electricity stabbing at my heart.

White clouds slipping fearful by.

~

Wind tearing at my clothes.

Lightning piercing my soul with much ado.

Rain...stinging my eyes and drenching my skin.

His eyes are blue...